There is a concept in Buddhism called ‘selflessness’, or no-self as it’s sometimes called. At first glance it can sound a bit like saying that no-one exists, which is obviously a bit weird.

What it actually means is that a strong sense of self is what causes our problems. By reducing it, we become happier plus more peaceful and joyful.

Think about what is meant by self. Is it the body? We refer to ‘my body’, so we must have a sense of something possessing it. But what is it that has this feeling? Is it the mind? Perhaps, but what would we be without a body?

There are some very long complicated arguments about definitions of the ‘self’ which continue in this vein, but I like to think of it as our ego-driven natures. Our ego-driven nature focuses on ourselves all the time. In any situation it looks at what it thinks is best for us, but only from our perspective. If something happens, it looks at the effect on ourselves, rather than the wider picture.

As an example, think of what happened the last time you walked past a homeless person or there was a ‘weirdo’ in your train carriage. What did you do? Did you hope the weirdo didn’t sit next to you? Did you walk straight past the homeless person, hoping they didn’t catch your eye, as then you would have had to give them something but they’d ‘only have spent it on drink or drugs’?

This is the self, or ego-driven nature, at work. It’s there when we feel anxious, depressed, jealous, bitter or any of the other negative feelings that we have. It’s not a particularly happy place to spend our lives.

On the other hand, think of the joy on someone’s face when we help them out or give them a present, something that they truly want and can appreciate. It brings pleasure to everyone, including a nice rosy glow inside ourselves. This is when we are thinking of other people, rather than ourselves.

Let’s go back to our weirdo and homeless person. We all have a life-story to tell – the homeless person wasn’t born the way you currently see them. They might have been struggling all their life following abuse as a child and then, despite their best efforts, lost their home through no fault of their own. The ‘weirdo’ might be someone’s mother who is suffering from dementia and has walked away from the nursing home. She now wants someone to look after her until the emergency services arrive to take her back to her loving family who miss her terribly and worry about her endlessly.

Living in our ego means we miss these things and see only the negative. Selflessness means reducing the ego and starting to think of others more. You might even think of it as compassion and wisdom.