We tend to view the world and everything associated with it as ‘out there’, external to us. Fate, destiny, luck, God’s judgement, ‘our cross to bear’ are all ways of viewing the world, but they are seen as something imposed on us from outside. When we have a disagreement or problem with someone, we think it’s they who are the problem, not us. So we tend to spend our time trying to control external events and things. We try to bend them to what we want or make them into something they aren’t.

This was a key aspect of the traditional view of the world that Buddha said was not only unhelpful, but was actually wrong. Instead, Buddha said that everything was within us. If we have a problem with someone, the problem is with us, not them. They might be causing us problems, but it’s not a problem for them as they are just being themselves. Our problem is that we cannot cope with them being themselves. We expect them to be something other than they actually are, or think they ‘should’ do something, just because we want or expect it. And that is the problem we have. It’s not what they do that causes the problem, it’s that it’s different from what we expect or want them to do – and that expectation is within us.

Another traditional way of looking at this is to imagine trying to walk across a patch of ground full of thorns and thistles. You could try and pull out all the thorns or even pave it over. Alternatively, you could put on a pair of thick, sturdy boots and simply walk across. The traditional way of viewing the world is the former approach – trying to change the ground. But the easiest way to cross is to put boots on. In Buddhist terms this involves training the mind to cope with whatever comes up – hence the first approach to Buddhism, i.e. changing attitudes and ways of thinking to something more helpful.

What makes you happy? Is it objects and things? Or is it a feeling inside? Happiness comes from a feeling inside, it’s not imposed or granted by anyone else, we have to feel it within ourselves. We can do that by training our mind to think in more helpful, useful ways.